Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a teatray in the sky.
(Lewis Carroll)
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Is your dad an Italian thief? Because you just stole a pizza my heart.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
You've got great posture. I'd love to see you flow sometime.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." – Peter Ustinov
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
Roses are red,
Violets are yellow,
I’m hoping this poem,
Will get me a fellow
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
“I think there should be holy war against yoga classes.” — Werner Herzog
When is it okay to Love thy neighbor? When her husband is away on business.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
One trick peony.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
There’s nothin like a fifth grade crush.
When you see that girl it’s such a rush.
She’s playin hop-scotch with her two best friends
Her hair flowin so wild in the crisp autumn wind.
She is like an angel in your eye
Wherever she walks the sun will shine.
Her beauty is that of the most pleasant flower
Just to have one minute with her shall seem like a hour.
So go talk to her you coward,
is what you say in your mind, but all you can do is just rub your eyes.
This girl you see has got you in a trance
Your head all caught up in this puppy love romance.
So who knows just go and give it a chance.
You never know what she might think of you so just walk up to her and play it cool.
But all you can feel is the sweat dripping from your hands,
your getting all nervous, your doomed!
You have no plan!
So as you gather your courage and your chest begins to swell,
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Thank you Jesus for they have rang the bell.
(Aaron M. Delao)
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Are you a lateral pterygoid because you make my jaw drop.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Don’t be elfish.
“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper
I want to ask you out, but I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots…
My partner was always criticising my sense of direction... So I packed up and right!
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.