Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf

I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.

“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”

- Kelkulus.

“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Once I did hear my brother call
The sun a giant fire ball.
How can that be?
For what I see,
Is something up high so small.

I see it at the break of dawn,
When it announces the day is on.
Its brilliant gold,
A joy to behold,
And being outside is so much fun.

John might be right, for I must say,
The sun is not so cool at midday.
Its shining light
Is just so bright,
I have to pull my eyes away.

Evening comes and it's so strange
How the sun still appears to change.
No longer small,
A bigger ball.
Its tone, now a lovely bright orange!

This curious ball hanging up high,
For me, raises many questions why.
But when it shines,
Then life is fine.
Thank God the sun is in the sky.

(By Abimbola T. Alabi)

The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.

I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.

It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.

Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!

What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Ivan.

Ivan who?

Ivan to do something naughty with you.

Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.

“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis

That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!

Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields

Did you know I'm the Ronaldo of lovers?

It's ice to meet you.

"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

You remind me of my last biking accident. Because I am going head over heels for you.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel

When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.

Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.

Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.

Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.

You must be a library book because I can’t stop checking you out.

What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.

What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.

When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'

Are you p>0.5, because I’d never reject you.

The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.

Excuse me, do you happen to have a Band-Aid? ‘Cause I scraped my knees falling for you.

I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.

"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown

How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.

Built up some confidence to reach out…hope you don’t igNora me

Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.

Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?

What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!

What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.

You must be a Magnetar because I feel a strong magnetism between us.

I was having a pretty boring night but now it’s looking a lot more Evelyn-tful

Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!

What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex

My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.

What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.

I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first it wet the bed.

If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.