If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling Of Isolation
I have always had acrophobia, but the plane flight brought it to a new height.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
I love you meow and forever.
What’s your go to order at a bar? Mine is A Big Ale
You're like fireworks: smokin' hot, fun, and radiant.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
If you were here, Abby all over you
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Where do vampires go to buy their art supplies? Pencilvania.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
Just like Evan, this match is also the cure
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
How about we play a fun game called Haida totem pole?
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
I got an e-mail saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards”, and I thought...
“That’s just spam.”
That look soots you.
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
I’d be Ju-lyin’ if I said you weren’t super cute
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was bored of just standing there.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in; it’s cold out here!
I went to a new kind of show yesterday, which was hosted by a color-changing lizard. He was a good stand-up chameleon.
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.