Fall hardly happens here, but You'll be falling for me.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
Babe, you are the only brand I desire and I want no substitution.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Me without you is like the Easter egg hunt without the Easter Eggs.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
Penne Lane.
There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent bull;
But she seized on a spade,
And called out, 'Who's afraid?'
Which distracted that virulent bull.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
I was going to joke about my broken pencil, but it was pointless.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
If you're here for pee jokes, urine luck.
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
You remind me of a diamond necklace because you sure sparkle and shine bright.
You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
Why was the shy guy terrible at baseball?
He never got to third base.
Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
Why do bananas like to use sunscreen?
Because they peel!
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Take an Avonleap of faith and go on a date with me!
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.