There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself...
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn…
But they said they couldn’t do anything about crows and to stop calling them.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
I sulfur when you argon.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? ‘Cause you are F-I-Ne.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
Every muscle in your body is beautiful.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
“Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.”
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
"Let's have some skele-fun."
I love you and I ain’t lion.
Don't add honey to your tea. You are already sweet enough!
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
Spike Milligan
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
Sorry, I can't play hide and seek. Someone like you is simply impossible to find.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
What did the prehistoric Greeks call their goddess of love?
Troglodite.
I am reading a horror story in Braille.
Someone is going die, I can feel it.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
I’m like a solar panel absorbing your radiant sunshine energy.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
I’ll never fir-get.