If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
Are you a beaver? Because I like your tail.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
You asked me what love was and I did not know how to answer it. Now I know it's a feeling that can not be mastered.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
What do you call hell for potheads?
Canabyss.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
I made a snap decision to watch football today
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
“The road to success is always under construction.”
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
People didn't smile for pictures in the early days of photography...
It was frowned upon.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
I like your wart, want to see a few of mine?
"A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first."
I love the name Charlie. Just wanted you to know I’d never Char-leave you.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
“The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1973
You’re so beautiful even the leaves fall for you.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
I’m like the Jean Baptiste-Colbert of relationships. I never trade with anyone else.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
If two witches were watching two watches: which witch would watch which watch?
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
Why did the snail take so long to cross the road?
It was feeling sluggish.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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