In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Call me the pace clock, cause you sure can count on me.
Enough exposition. Let’s move this to the development section
I wanna grow old together. I will stay with you even after I'm sixty-four!
Initially, the passenger couldn't find where his next flight was, but fortunately, he made the connection in time.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Call me Hamstring, 'cause you've pulled.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
The heavier you are the more people are attracted to you
At least in physics.
I send the best morning texts. But you’d know that already if I had your number.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
"It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him."
Mike Royko
What is an astronaut's favorite candy bar?
Milky way.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
Let me check your tag.
Yep, just as I thought - Made In Heaven.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
The neighbor's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbors have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
I'm going to start watching my caffeine intake because baby you make my heart palpitate.
I’m like a boomerang. I just keep coming back to you.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Why did the robot decide to go on a summer vacation?
To recharge!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”
- Edith Sitwell
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What’s so great about whiteboards?
If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Your fragrance lights up my life.
I’m a fraction – be my other half.
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.