Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don’t eat with your mouth full!
If two witches were watching two watches: which witch would watch which watch?
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
That skeleton over there wanted to ask you for your number, but, unlike me, he didn’t have the guts
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
Hey, I found you! You are the girl of my dreams.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
George Carlin
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
The team’s star basketball player decided to remain at home the entire weekend. He didn’t want to be called out for travelling.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
I think you might be a star because I can’t stop orbiting around you.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
If you’re lacking a little good cheer,
Go and tickle a bull in the rear.
For I’m sure that the rumor,
That they’ve no sense of humor,
Is a product of ignorant fear.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Where do recluses live in Spain?
Barceloner.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
get nervous when I fly; do you mind if I hold your hand?
I love you and I ain’t lion.
Where do Astronauts go to the bathroom?
Where no one has gone before.
Did you invent the airplane? Because you seem Wright for me!
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
I'm so good at being interrogated.
I can do it blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
Will Ferell
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex