Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
If you get married out on sea or in a boat...
is that a row-mance?
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
Unknown
Hey Erin, ever heard that sharin’ is carin’? Care to share a meal together sometime?
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Like a bouquet tied with twine, I can be yours if you will be mine.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
Why don’t we use some Fourier analysis on our relationship and reduce to a series of simple periodic functions?
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
It’s a season of giving, so you should give me your phone number.
When the time came, he betrayed our team and showed his blue colors.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
We’re a perfect mash.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
There once was a child in Spain.
Who loved to play in the rain.
One day he tripped.
And broke his hip.
Now he is in serious pain.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
If you can tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will buy you a drink.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
The best stretches are partner stretches.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
You can stand under my umbrella.
Wanna see my norwegian wood?
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
You and I make a deluxe combo.
Your batteries must be low after hiking all day. Can I recharge them?
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…