What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
Blue and orange are always polite and amicable with each other because they are complementary colors.
What is the ideal marriage? One between a deaf man and a blind woman
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
You're so hot you melt the elastic in my underwear.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
When facing trouble in the workspace, all the colorists rallied together by saying, "Come what grey, we will overcome all obstacles!"
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
"Some bunny needs vodka."
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
"Dog and Pony Show"
Come see our dog and pony show.
there is no better place to go.
The dog wears ties, the pony, pants.
They both stand up to sing and dance.
The hoof and paw an old soft-shoe.
They harmonize the whole time through.
They raise their hats and take a bow.
Was this a show? I’ll say, and how!
– Denise Rodgers
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
“Scientists say the world is made of protons, neutrons, and electrons. they forgot to mention morons.”
Anonymous
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Your mausoleum or mine?
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Green glass globes glow greenly.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
A funny young fellow named Perkins
Was terribly fond of small gherkins.
One day after tea
He ate ninety three
And pickled his internal workings.
Our school trip was a special occasion.
But we never reacher our destination.
Instead of the zoo.
I was locked in the loo.
of the toilet at the service station!
My Dad said to me, "Son, I wanted you to know you were adopted."
I shouted, "You're kidding! Really?"
He said, "Yes. Get your things together, they're coming to pick you up in an hour."
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination."
- Gossip Girl
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.