You are more beautiful then all the fireworks tonight.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Initially, the passenger couldn't find where his next flight was, but fortunately, he made the connection in time.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
Just brew it!
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Girl, you can kiss heaven goodbye because it's got to be a sin to look that good.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.
Apparently, I went too far.
Every Valentines Day, I bring a smile to my wife’s face.
By taking down the Christmas tree.
Are you the black line at the bottom of the pool? Cause I can’t tear my eyes away from you.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
If I said I'd like to score on you tonight would you think I was being too forward?
Autumn brings re-leaf from the heat.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
I know my math. And you’ve got one significant figure!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
I hope to someday be your emergency contact...
You're as classy as the first Pan Am flight.
Are you a cat because I'm feline a connection between us.
Are you from the U.K.? Because I want U, K?
If I had a nickel for every time I failed a math test, I'd have 83 cents.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
A face like yours,
Belongs in a zoo.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
What do the laws of physics and the president of Russia have in common?
You can't choose them.