Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
Can I interest you in a magic trick? Just give me your phone and watch my number magically appear on it.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
Hi, I hear you’re good at algebra… Will you replace my X without asking Y?
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Roses are red, Roses are blue
Depending on their velocity relative to you
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
You look good on your yoga mat.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday. After a few glasses the wife blurts out, “I love you”.
The husband responds: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Wife: “This is me, talking to the wine.”
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I’m browsing the winter-net.
I tried to change my password to "14days".
The computer said it was two week.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Autumn is full of pumpkins, it is a gourd-geous time of the year.
It is October and there are still leaves on trees. I am very corn-fused!
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
A man who plays golf to forget about work will soon go to work to forget about golf.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why did the lion cross the road?
He was bored of lion around.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
"Let's have another round, shall we?"
I have a snake and he wants to enter your garden.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
If I was a robot and you were one 2 if I lost a nut would you give me a screw.
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
I'm having mixed feelings about being a Michael Jackson impersonator.
On one hand, you get to wear a cool white glove.
On the other hand, you don't.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
Summer went swimmingly this year.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
That elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up…
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.