What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
“Take a deep breath and try to relax. I promise – Monday will be over soon.”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew who?
Honeydew know who fine you're looking?
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.” —Phyllis Diller
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
How do you get an Art Major off your front door step?
Pay for the PIZZA!
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
I hear you're looking for a stud. Well, I've got the STD and all I need is you.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
"Tom Tigercat"
Tom Tigercat is noted
for his manners and his wit.
He wouldn’t think of lion,
No, he doesn’t cheetah bit.
Tom never pretended
to be something that he’s not.
I guess that’s why we like him
and why he likes ocelot.
– J. Patrick Lewis
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
You’re so stunning even the Language Police are speechless.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it..
then my illegal logging business is a success.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack."
― Germany Kent
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Of course your name is Amy. I can already tell you’re Amy-zing
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.