I've never understood the fashion industry, those people are so clothes-minded.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
I‘m no photographer, but I can picture us running together.
Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.
I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
I asked my buddy if he wanted to know what the word “the” was in Spanish. He expressed his disinterest and I responded with...
"Your los."
The khaki in my shirt brings out the color in your eyes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What Happens If You Give a Politician Viagra?
They get taller.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
I had an instant connection with someone in South Korea. I think they're my Seoul mate.
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
“When in doubt, yoga it out.” – Unknown
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime.
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.