What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
What are you doing hanging out in aisle 3? You clearly belong in aisle 9. Aisle 10 is within arm's reach but that all depends on whether or not you'll have dinner with me.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
I'm no organ donor, but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
- Chuck Nevitt
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
"An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare."
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
We bee-long together.
How do you know that it's too cold outside for a picnic?
You chip your tooth on the soup.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
I would have gone to space, but the cost is astronomical!
Sorry, I'm octopied.
Tis the sea-sun.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!
Let’s pretend you’re a croc so we can wrestle!
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
I C Major potential in us getting together.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
If you were a baseball and I was a bat would you let me hit?
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!