Wanna see my world cup in action?
Oh gosh gal your eyes look like falling stars.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
Dublin over in laughter.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
Poultry in motion.
You are like my dentures.
I cannot smile without you.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Are you powdered sugar? Because you're sweet, and fine!
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Are you the online order I placed a few days ago? Cause I’ve been waiting for you all day.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
I love you deerly.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Baby owl.
Baby owl who?
Baby owl see you later at my place.
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Statistics are like bikinis.
What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Have you seen any linking verbs around here? Because you are my complement and I want to connect.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
Are you a girl scout because you tie my heart in knots.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
I love the name Charlie. Just wanted you to know I’d never Char-leave you.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Would you describe yourself as a ternary? Because you have a lovely form.