What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
Hey I hope you don’t mind me messaging you… something about you just seemed very Amy-cable
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..
I didn't see that coming.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Can you run with me so I can tell my friends I've ran with an angel?
"I hate mornings, they start so early."
— Janet Evanovich
You're like fireworks: smokin' hot, fun, and radiant.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll let you take the last stuffed crust frozen pizza if you let me take you to dinner. At your house. Where we’ll be having frozen pizza.
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
Spike Milligan
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
"Eggs-cuse me."
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Shouldn’t we be carbon dating right now? Let’s get on with it.
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
A little less fight and a little more spark, close your mouth and open your heart.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
Baby you got the perfect route for me.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
Luca here, I’m just going to cut to the chase and ask if you want to get a drink with me
I wish I had some butter for them biscuits.
I don't normally make the first move, but there was just something dif-fur-ent about you.
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
“I am your best friend, and there isn’t anything you can do about it!”
— Unknown
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
There is a commonality between a thanksgiving and a bowler guest. They both love turkey.
Girl, it makes sense and sensibility for us to go out.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
“I don’t get it. The trail looked so flat on the map.”
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon
A lunatic.
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!