How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
I'm a gymnast, so if you're down for some mattress yoga, count me in!
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Do you wanna know a secret? I'm in love with you.
"Do you wake up as I do, having forgotten what it is that hurts or where, until you move?"
– Jeanette Winterson
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Are you a practice room? Because I want you and I hope you're not taken
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi dooooo.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin the piggy bank again.
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had four doors they would be chicken sedans
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
Jim ordered a racehorse online
A thoroughbred sold in it's prime.
Now just for a laugh
They sent a giraffe
But it wins by a neck every time.
(Ray Gridley)
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Roach.
Roach who?
Roach you a letter, did you get it?
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
If you were a flower, I would pick you.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
If you and I were flowers, we’d have a budding romance.
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
Yo girl are you the 29th state added to America?
Because Iowanna be with anybody else
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
Girl, you must be a possessive pronoun because I think you're mine.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
The Doris locked, why do you think I'm knocking?
Dominic Pick-Up Lines
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… But he was a good man. His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. -- Dante Rossetti
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
"Is taco yoga a thing yet? Someone get on that."
- Chisty Lowe
If there's a will, there's a wave.
Me without you is like the Easter egg hunt without the Easter Eggs.
“Yoga is too slow.” — Rob Gronkowski