"Partners in wine."
Snow joke, the weather is horrible today!
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Hey what’s your favourite dessert? Mine’s e-Clairs
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Did your parents work on The Manhattan Project? Because you’re the bomb!
“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
George Carlin
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You look like a donkey,
And smell like one too.
Do you celebrate Boxing Day? Because you're the whole package.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
Funny meat-ing you here.
How do you get dragon milk?
Find a cow with no back legs
You warm my heart more than the salted caramel hot chocolate on a cold winter day.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
It’s your birthday at last
You’re getting old fast
Each year whizzes by
Oh how time does fly
So put on your skates
And have a quick blast
Before it’s too late
And your whole life has passed
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
I was blinded by your beauty...
I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.
At a recent job interview, the hiring manager
asked me if I can perform under pressure.
I said: "No, but I can do Bohemian Rhapsody."
Why do native Americans hate the snow?
Because it is white and settles all over their land.
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
Live to tell the tail.
You’re a cutie 3.14159265359
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it’s kangaroo.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
"You might not carrot all, but you're irresistible."
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
There once was a child in Spain.
Who loved to play in the rain.
One day he tripped.
And broke his hip.
Now he is in serious pain.