Something’s goat to give.
Where will you find an FBI sketch artist? In the bureau drawer.
If I was a planet and you, my moon! I’d stop spinning just by looking at you.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Why do people in Greece not wake up until noon?
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
The khaki in my shirt brings out the color in your eyes.
You’re so beautiful, you make me feel like an arpeggiated chord… broken.
We have two turkeys at our house
'cause Mom and Gramma fight.
Neither one of them believes
the other roasts it right.
There's also two of stuffing,
two of home-made berry sauce.
Let's face it, there are two of each,
'cause both of them are boss.
We eat it all , some food from both,
in order to be nice.
We also make quite sure that when
we burp -- that we burp twice!
- Denise Rodgers
Fairies just spell trouble.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
You’re the gravy to my turkey.
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Pugs and kisses.
Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
Hey pretty lady, let me take you out on a first date in the snow. I promise I’m not a flakey person.
“Have leftover Eggo waffles from your Eleven Halloween costume? We’ll show you how to make it into Thanksgiving stuffing. After the break.” — John Mayer
Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
You’re pretty and I’m damn cute. If we’re together, we would be pretty cute.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Dang, girl. You're a fielder's choice.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
You have one compact set.
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
Your good seed for the day.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.