I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Knock Knock
Who's there
Four Eggs
Four Eggs who
Four Eggs ample!
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Are you the perigee moon? Because I’m so attracted to you day by day.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Bowlers do not make good employees. This is because for 80% of the time, they are always going on strike.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Tex.
Tex who?
Tex two to tango.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
"I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments, and sheer lack of common decency that we should be best friends."
— Unknown
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
Hello, allow me to hi-Jack this conversation
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
Let's make some sweet music together, honey
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
It's ice to meet you.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
You make my heart skip a beet.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down?
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)