You're embarrassed by my dense pickup lines? OK, I won't continuum. I'll be more discrete.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
The huddle is real
Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They seem to all been born on holidays.
“Winter is like fall except you need five pairs of leggings instead of one.”
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Do you get a hint of almond in this Keemun? No? That’s odd because I’m nuts about you.
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
She said, "Don't go bacon my heart."
I told her, "I couldn't if I fried."
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Cows get sad whenever they hear the songs of the pop band 'The Mooooo-dy Blues!'
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
Damn girl, are you British?
Because you just conquered my heart
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells, jungle bells…
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business. And, speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker.
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
What's an inmates favorite place to hangout? At the bars.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!