It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
My son must have been relieved to have finally been born.
He looked like he was running out of womb in there.
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
I’m sure people make jokes about getting older
You politely laugh with a quiet smoulder
I know you, always being so polite
Jokes about getting older aren’t always right
Don’t worry about it, age is just a number
Don’t you ever let anyone steal your thunder!
Happy Birthday!
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I’m more interested in you than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
Hi, my name's Pogo. Wanna ride on my stick?
My love for you is like no otter.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During APE-ril showers.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Aldo.
Aldo who?
Aldo anything for you.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken!
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
Is this the registration table? Because I need a number from you.
Call me on the shellphone.
“Monday again? Is it every week now?”
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Your Bosons are giving me a Hadron.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
No ballroom.
You snow the drill.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
If you come with me, I'll show you a hard day's night.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
Does your Dad own Snapple, because you're made of the best stuff on earth?
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.