Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
What did the first thunderstorm of the year say?
Hail to the spring!
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
If you were a vegetable, you'd be a CUTE-cumber.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
A man and a woman were traveling in a train.
Woman : "Every time you smile,feel like inviting you to my place. "
Man: "Oh really? Are you single?"
Woman: "No. I'm a dentist."
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
My heart is as desolate as Saskatchewan without you.
My foot isn't the only part of me that's lucky!
Is it me or is there an interaction between us?
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
Why shouldn't you marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
If Russia attacked Turkey from behind do you think Greece would help?
I whale always love you.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Hey I love your shoes, they would look even better if they were running alongside me.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Hey, are you a bear cub? Because you’re un-bear-ably adorable.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
Wow, you feel like a comet, you are a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I’m glad I didn’t miss it. Can I buy you a drink?