Hey, girl. Are you a soccer player? Because yuo look like you can play ball even without hands.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
– Unknown
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
I’ll be there in a pinch.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
My favorite attractive force is Van der Waal's force. Can you feel it? I'll move closer if you can't.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Baby, you're so sweet you'd put Hershey's out of business!
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper!
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
Are you a compound of beryllium and barium? Because you’re a total BaBe.
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
A tree fell over in our yard but we aren't sure why.
We're looking for the root cause.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.
I run one hand up her long neck
Just touching her makes me euphoric
Across her body, my right hand goes
I've been practicing, believe me, it shows.
Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night.
I pick her up and hold her steady,
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.
Another deep breath, the tension mounts.
Have to stay focused, every moment counts.
I am ready; let's get movin'.
Here it goes, we both start groovin'.
Her body glistens in the light.
I urge to play with her all night.
I pick her up and hold her steady,
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.
I start out slow to get in the swing.
As I do, she starts to sing.
The sounds and feelings grow more immense.
The movements become more intense.
Her body glistens in the light.
I urge to play with her all night.
I pick her up and hold her stea
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
There’s a big difference between yoga and pie-lattes.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
Wow Adrian, is that a typo in your name? Because I swear you’re A-Dream.