Where does bad light go? PRISM!
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Have you seen any linking verbs around here? Because you are my complement and I want to connect.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
The only thing tender today is my heart for you
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?
A complete waist of time.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
If you were a Transformer you'd be Optimus Fine!
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
Why shouldn't you mess with Santa? Because he has a black belt.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Another cheese factory in France exploded...
I Camembert to hear this joke again!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
You're like my drug - when I'm with you, I feel Absinthe-minded.
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
"Having a good hare day."
Do you get a hint of almond in this Keemun? No? That’s odd because I’m nuts about you.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
A man and a woman were traveling in a train.
Woman : "Every time you smile,feel like inviting you to my place. "
Man: "Oh really? Are you single?"
Woman: "No. I'm a dentist."
The only thing hotter than your body is the sun.