You are the object of my preposition.
My eyes are full of tears,
that they can see no more.
I wish you were here.
But only to chop these onions for me.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
Flowers like our minds, open at the right time. Mine has opened to receive your love.
This foundation is rock salad.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - she woke up.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
Are you religious?
Because you're the answer to all my prayers.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
My love
I have gotten to know you so very well
I’ve even noticed when you start to smell
You share almost everything with me
When we gossip, you say “spill the tea”
You have become my best friend
That is no lie
We can giggle together
We laugh till we cry
Even when you can be a little gross
You are the man I love the most.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
No-bunny is as hare-larious as you.
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
I bet you are the earth and I am the sun because you become hotter as we get closer.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
Fresh French fried fly fritters
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.