Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What happened when the knife went for a drive?
It took a sharp turn.
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Your Zygomaticus Major is the best thing that I have witnessed.
I've never understood the fashion industry, those people are so clothes-minded.
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Why did the chicken run across the road?
To get to the other side faster.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
I came here looking for a little tail.
If you were a tree, you'd be an evergreen, because I bet you look this good year-round.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
When is it okay to Love thy neighbor? When her husband is away on business.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
My feelings for you are Mont-real.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
I have bean
thinking about you.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Why did the artist cross the street? To crosshatch to the other side.
What do you call heels on ski boots?
Ski lifts.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play at that game!
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
"I am not an early bird or night owl; I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon."
Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
Are you made of apples? Cause you sure look sweet as pie.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.