“Vacation is that time when you wish you had something to do while doing nothing.”
–Frank Tyger
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
Are you the energizer bunny cause you just keep going and going through my mind.
There once was a boy named Dan,
who wanted to fry in a pan.
He tried and he tried,
and eventually died,
that weird little boy named Dan.
If ice cream could be grown on the tree top,
Tiny tummies would be liking it lots.
Any fruit flavour
For all to savour.
Do stop by at the ice cream tree shop.
If only the trees could grow lollipops
With a sharp tangy taste of lemon drops.
Lolly licky-lick
With a zingy twist.
Come along with a skip and a hop.
If chocolate heaven grew on tree leaf,
Bountiful, tempting, delicious to eat,
A smooth, silky, treat
In a chocy feast.
If only they weren't so out of reach.
If bubblegum grew upon trees that blew
Bubbles in the air, to catch and to chew.
Be nimble, be quick;
Remember the trick.
Don't swallow, because gum sticks like glue.
All are welcome at the Candy Tree Shops.
Feast your eyes on all the goodies they've got.
There are enough treats
For all down the streets,
So come and join the jiggery-jog.
(By Beryl L Edmonds)
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Help, me I am trapped
In a haiku factory
save me, before they
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lion
Lion who?
Lion on your doorstep, open up!
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire
but I still haven’t ruled it out.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
Remember the city,
Remember the town,
Remember the s/he who ruined your birthday card.
By writing inside upside down!
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A llama.
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
Shake your shamrocks.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
I think you are suffering from a lack of Vitamin Me.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
How will you save yourself if you come across an aggressive alien? Give him some space.
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
The basic rule in the bowling game is to ensure you leave no pin standing.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!