Once I did hear my brother call
The sun a giant fire ball.
How can that be?
For what I see,
Is something up high so small.

I see it at the break of dawn,
When it announces the day is on.
Its brilliant gold,
A joy to behold,
And being outside is so much fun.

John might be right, for I must say,
The sun is not so cool at midday.
Its shining light
Is just so bright,
I have to pull my eyes away.

Evening comes and it's so strange
How the sun still appears to change.
No longer small,
A bigger ball.
Its tone, now a lovely bright orange!

This curious ball hanging up high,
For me, raises many questions why.
But when it shines,
Then life is fine.
Thank God the sun is in the sky.

(By Abimbola T. Alabi)

The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.

“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”

- Paul Reiser.

What birds like to write?
Penguins!

Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.

The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.

Some people like to play croc-quet.

I’d hike every trail in the world if I had you next to me.

What does a monster wear when it rains?
His ghoul-oshes!

I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.

Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.

What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus

Hey Erin, ever heard that sharin’ is carin’? Care to share a meal together sometime?

Where you flying today? Because you landed in my heart.

You must be glue because I am sticking with you.

Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.

A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.

Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.

What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French

. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.

What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.

You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.

What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.

Do you like sub-bass? Because you just turn on my lower frequencies.

What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane chocolate

Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?

“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.

What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.

It takes one to snow one.

There was a young lady of Kent.
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
She followed her nose,
One day, I suppose,
And no one knows which way she went.

What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie.

Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!

What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.

What do you call the Halloween costume contest winner? Mummy of the year.

Thanksgiving Dinner's sad and thankless
Christmas Dinner's dark and blue
When you stop and try to see it
From the turkey's point of view.

Sunday Dinner isn't sunny
Easter Feasts are just bad luck
When you see it from the viewpoint
Of a chicken or a duck.

Oh how I once loved tuna salad
Pork and Lobsters-- lamb chops too
Till I stopped and looked at dinner
From the dinner's point of view.

(Shel Silverstein)

How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.

What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.

"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown

“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”

- Jerry Seinfeld.

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Honeybee.
Honeybee who?
Honeybee a dear and open the door, please.

What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!

Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]

What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw

What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.

Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.

What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!

Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?

Because April showers bring Mayflowers!

Wanna meet up tonight? I hope you Leonard-on’t say no