What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
We're donion rings.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Glow!
Glow who?
Glow worm!
The baker taught his apprentice that to make a good pie one needs to bake it to pie-fection!
Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Do you have raisins? How about a date?
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Are you a burger? Because you can be the meat between my buns.
I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Do you know how to dunk cookies? Ask a basketball chef.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business. And, speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.
As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "Acá, nada."
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?
Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes
Wife: Who makes those rules?
Me: The Dad Poet Society
Wife: (Groan)
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
Browsing my feed
I’m delighted to see
your new girlfriend is
the ugly version of me.
(Samantha Jayne)
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.