What is a teddy bear’s favorite Thanksgiving food?
Stuffing!
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Everywhere’s a palace when I get to be with Alice
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Date a soccer player. We can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Let’s put our tulips together.
I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
What's the problem with Father's day?
It always falls on Son-day
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Babe, are you a virus? 'Cause, you're having an effect on my whole body.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Man: Any Generic Pick Up Line
Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Tomatoes are red, roses are red too. We both know what I truly love is you.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me young...
I could buy a lollipop.
Tricks aren’t really my thing. But you’re sure a treat.
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
Is your Wi-Fi on because I can feel a very strong connection with you?
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
A wise man will know
finding a worm in a pear…
better than half worm
(Jan Allison)
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
How am I supposed to shamelessly flirt with you in the middle of the night when I don’t have your number?
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.