Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Avenue.
Avenue who?
Avenue knocked on this door before?
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
Q. Which famous magician always wore a multi-color suit on stage?
A. Hue-dini.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
You’re turtle-ly awesome.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Alabama changed the drinking age to 34.
They want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Charlie Chaplin
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
I’m positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Why did the queen cross the road?
To get to coronation street.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
What killed the painter? He had too many strokes.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Isabella Isabeauty for sure
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
“I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.”
– Will Rogers
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
Steven Wright
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
"I'm eggs-hausted."
Knock knock.
Come in.
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koalafications.
Someone who does not become a witch until they're old is a late broomer.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What do you call a 1 cent coin in Italy?
A penne.
You must be known for you defense cause you definitely stole my heart.
Baby, are you a lane rope? Because I want to lay on you all day long.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.