What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
Two Sisters Reunite after Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I was born smart,
What happened to you?!
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
The best Sunday I can think of?
You, me, a good movie, and mimosas with no pants on...
Oh sorry, I meant bottomless mimosas.
"I’m so hot that I contribute to global warming."
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Can I interest you in a magic trick? Just give me your phone and watch my number magically appear on it.
I used to have wavy hair... Turns out it was waving goodbye.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
I could never Passover you.
Do you want to Australian Kiss?
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
My girlfriend just told me I'm a poor listener.
Which upset me massively because I'm an awesome whistler.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
Are you a pile of dinosaur bones? Because I dig you!
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
“I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday.”
My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.
“This crisp winter air is full of it.” – John Burroughs
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Do you like free samples?
I love the name Charlie. Just wanted you to know I’d never Char-leave you.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”