What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do German meat lovers breathe?
Hamburg-air
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
Though it sounds mean, a bad soccer team is much like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aida.
Aida who?
Aida sandwich for lunch today.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
- Ed Asner.
Water you doing, my friend?
For his birthday, the snowman wants a cake with lots of icing on it.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Do you live on Mars? ‘Cause, you look out of this world.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
The chicken couldn’t be bothered anymore.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
April Fools Day: The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.
What kind of cat always crosses the road?
A jaguar.
“Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.”
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
Are you a girl scout because you tie my heart in knots.
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
If you were a laser, you’d be set on “stunning.”
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.