Your lab or my lab?
I've never made an incomplete pass, and I hope you won't be my first.
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
"Hey girl, I don't have power and success, but I'm funny."
- Modern Family
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What's brown and very bad for your dental health?
A baseball bat.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
Albert Einstein
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
If I gave you my shoe, would you step into my life?
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
I want to be a drop of your blood, so I could travel your body and sleep in your heart.
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
You’ve got beauty like Petit Champlain and curves like Bonhomme.
Here is my libary card, because im checking you out.
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
“I think if we tell people that the brain is an app, they will start using it.”
Anonymous
Hey, I was reading through the Book of Numbers today, and I realized I didn't have yours.
Roses are red and so is the state, let us be comrades because I think you are great
You leave me Wonton more.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Belize let me hold you.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
As soon as I saw your face, I knew you weren’t just the average Jo
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
― Joe Girard
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous