That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”
- Jim Bishop.
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season? Fall.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
It’s a good thing I have my library card because I am totally checking you out.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
You’re so beautiful you make me want to bloom.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail? Silly Con Valley.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
The book about Mount Everest had quite a cliff hanger.
Your gravitational pull is irresistible!
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty.
What happened to you?
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
"When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.”
— Crystal Woods
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
I love you a tot!
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Are you the future? Because you're looking hopeless and bleak.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
Shes a fairy realistic person.