That Kenyan black smells wonderful! May I try it? Normally I stick to English Breakfast, but I’m always open to experimenting.
Angels could fly, but I didn't know they could run.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
No costume? Oh you lucky girl, you don’t need Halloween. You look like an angel every day.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
We are often greatly bothered
By two fussy little men,
Who sometimes block our pathway –
Their names are How and When.
If we have a task or duty
Which we can put off a while,
And we do not go and do it –
You should see those two rogues smile!
But there is a way to beat them,
And I will tell you how:
If you have a task or duty,
Do it well, and do it now.
Are you a red light because stop.
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m unoriginal,
This is all I can do.
Dog heaven must be missing an angel.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
Love me do
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
To a deep scholar said his wife:
“Would that I were a book, my life!
On me, then, you would sometimes look.
But I should wish to be the book
That you would mostly wish to see.
Then say, what volume should I be?”
“An Almanack,” said he, “my dear;
You know we change them every year.”
(John Dryden)
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
We bee-long together.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
Sometimes you have to green and bear it.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Are you a break stroker? Because you make my knees weak.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
"My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes." — Emo Philips
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Let's get drinks, cuz I wanna get into the holiday ~spirit~ with you.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
Roses are red
violets are violet.
Here is my number
why don’t you dial it?
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Trowel and error.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I want you for no raisin.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.