What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
I’m not sure, but I think I’m falling in love with you already.
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
I just pooped in my bed. Can I sleep in yours?
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
Hey baby, can I get your phone number? Oops, too late.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
Oh wow sorry – I just got l’Austin your eyes.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.
Because it's made of hide.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
My blind friend did LSD for the first time...
There was a lot more tripping than usual.
What do you call a 1 cent coin in Italy?
A penne.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Let's procreate like the snakes in the Narcisse Dens.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
You know, I've never needed a third base coach to wave me home.
"You round me out." — High Card Band
Are you sugar? Because I want you in everything I have.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Join us for a slice of fun.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
You are so hot that you light my morning sky with burning love
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
You’re the only rein-dear for me.
Two snowmen were standing in a yard. One asked the other, "Do you smell carrot?" The other snowman replied, "No, but I can taste coal."
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Are you doing Ananda Balasana, or are you just happy to see me, baby?
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”
- Will Rogers
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
There was an Old Man of the coast,
Who placidly sat on a post;
But when it was cold
He relinquished his hold
And called for some hot buttered toast.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.