After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!

What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.

"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling

Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications

“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown

What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.

I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.

What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.

Are you on the endangered species list cause baby you are one of a kind!

“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen

Nice wrapping but I need to inspect it.

What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

There was an Old Man with a flute,
A sarpint ran into his boot;
But he played daay and night,
Till the sarpint took flight,
And avoided that man with a flute.

What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.

What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.

"Time to wine down."

If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.

What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!

Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!

"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"

Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.

"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."

What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put down.

What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.

The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!

I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.

Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!

Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).

In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!

I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.

One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.

Excuse me, do you have the time? I just want to remember the exact minute I got a crush on you.

"I never eat November’s snowflakes, I always wait until December.” – Lucy from television show Peanuts

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.

What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie.

Make love, not war.
Or if you want to do both – get married!

Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.

“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author

What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.

What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.

What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.

Did you know that chemists do it on the table periodically? Let’s be chemists for a day!

The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.

What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.

“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.

Happy birthday”- these two words
Are very often said
Many times and everywhere
They have been heard and read

If I use these oldish words
Believe me, that it’s true
From the bottom of my heart
They spring and just for you

(Horst Winkler)

What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.