What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."
Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Hello Boo-tiful.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Wow, Charlotte, your name should definitely be Char-hot.
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack.
You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
I feel an attraction between the two of us that is more than just our physical gravitation.
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
Did you invent the airplane? Cause you seem Wright for me.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What do you say when you are happy with how life has been weeks before Easter? It’s so far been an egg-cellent spring.
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Erma Bombeck
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.