Hurricane Irene is a Category 3, but if it had your name it be a perfect 10.
I Tour de Francy you.
Sea you at the beach.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
Why did the skeleton need a hug?
Because he had nobody.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
Spouses are like world wars.
You never refer to them as the "first" until there's a second.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
I gaze at you in awe,
Your beauty leaves me speechless,
I long for your touch,
And I yearn for your kiss.
I can wait no longer,
I can’t leave my heart on the shelf,
Oh whoops, I’m sorry,
I forgot to introduce myself!
I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.
Sorry, but I can only be with you twice.
That's Now...and Forever.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
You’re a woman from East Transylvania
Dating Dracula, with his weird mania.
He asks you each night
To go out for a bite —
An experience certain to drain ya.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
I’ve been looking for you, and I hope you’re as sweet as jelly beans.
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
That crazy little sun of a beach.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Why are birthdays good for you?
People who have the most live the longest.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
There was a Young Girl of Majorca,
Whose aunt was a very fast walker;
She walked seventy miles,
And leaped fifteen stiles,
Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.
Why is Facebook like jail? You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you really don't know.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
Do you breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
Navjot Singh Sidhu
You're so hot you melt the elastic in my underwear.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
"You make me egg-static."
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.