When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.
But she wasn't really Inuit.
I'll put a tear drop in the ocean. When you find it is when I'll stop loving you.
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Are you a flower? Because I fell in love with you once and floral.
Do you have a quarter I can Bora Bora? I want to call my mom and tell her I've met the girl of my dreams.
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Well, I’m definitely Madel-interested
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.” —Mike Connolly
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Were you arrested today? It must be illegal to look so beautiful.
If you were a basketball, I'd never pass because I want to keep you all to myself.
I am glad my mobile phone has GPS because I am totally getting lost in your beautiful eyes.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.”
- Elbert Hubbard
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Ladies, if there’s a man who remembers your birthday, knows what you enjoy and understands your friends and family...
it’s Mark Zuckerberg.
A soda can, a gas tank and the Greek god Eros walked into a bar?
The bartender shook his head, “Here comes trouble.” A patron at the bar said, “What’s wrong?” The bartender replied, “Those guys get together and they become cantankeros.”
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons—balancing them badly.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
I don't want to be alone. Help me make it through the night.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Roses are red
violets are violet.
Here is my number
why don’t you dial it?
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.