An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
How does a Man cut his hair on the moon? Eclipse it.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Hey, I was reading through the Book of Numbers today, and I realized I didn't have yours.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?
He won't inhale.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
Wow, wouldn’t mind if you became my significant otter.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
I don't want to make the faux-paw of coming on strong, but your dog is so adorable, I couldn't resist.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Roses are red, Violet are blue. What would you do. If I fell in love with you?
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
"Fun"
I love to hear a lobster laugh,
Or see a turtle wiggle,
Or poke a hippopotamus
And see the monster giggle,
Or even stand around at night
And watch the mountains wriggle.
– Leroy F. Jackson
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
I’ll bring you roses to our first date so that they can see how beautiful you are.
You're such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.