“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
What do you call an existential lycanthrope?
A whywolf.
What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Would you allow me Du-bai you a drink?
Circumcision Now Seen As Pointless.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Hey girl, are you looking for your knight in shining armor?
Well I just happen to be wearing the full armor of God.
How do you pronounce Jasmine? Because in my head it’s “Jas-MINE”.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Why do travel nurses and boxers get along?
They know how to stick and move.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
I got a valentine from a pickle today...
It meant a great dill to me.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
What did the period say to the sentence? We better stop now!
It’s a winterful day!
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Remember the city,
Remember the town,
Remember the s/he who ruined your birthday card.
By writing inside upside down!
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
By Demeter.
"Just one hot chick."
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
Are you crippling depression and anxiety? Because you haunt me at every waking hour.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
I finally decided to sell my vacuum. It was just gathering dust.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.