A space fish is usually called starfish.
You are more beautiful then all the fireworks tonight.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Vasco de Balboa told the Queen of Spain, “I discovered a large body of water on my journey.”
She said, “Could you be a little more pacific?”
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I'm afraid you can't pass this point, 'cause you're a bomb, Baby.
The square root of all my fantasies is you.
Are you a fruit, because Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?
The scarecrow won an award because it had been excellent in its field.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Are you the future? Because you're looking hopeless and bleak.
Let's 'bag' this place and go get a coffee. And yes, I am proud of that pun.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
When you cross a magician and an airplane, the result is a flying sorcerer.
What Twix do you have up your sleeve that makes me love you?
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in your eyes.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?
Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes
Wife: Who makes those rules?
Me: The Dad Poet Society
Wife: (Groan)
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Which channels do the asteroids like to watch? The comet-y channel.
You're the sinoatrial node of my heart. Without you, even a defibrillator won't save me.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
How did Salvador Dali like to start his mornings? With a bowl of Surreal and milk.
Are you an exoplanet? Because I’m bad at astronomy and pick up lines.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.