What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
Call me Ishmael. Or just call me.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Luca here, I’m just going to cut to the chase and ask if you want to get a drink with me
Why did the chicken run across the road?
To get to the other side faster.
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What's a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!
"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
— Jim Davis
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
- Plato
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
How am I supposed to shamelessly flirt with you in the middle of the night when I don’t have your number?
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Are you from Mars? ‘cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity?
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Let's get drinks, cuz I wanna get into the holiday ~spirit~ with you.
You must be a library book because I can’t stop checking you out.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you let me in or I`ll climb through the window.
Hey boy, I like your Irwin inspired outfit.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West