Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
Initially, the passenger couldn't find where his next flight was, but fortunately, he made the connection in time.
A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."
I'm sorry but you need to pay your rent.
You've been living in my heart for quite some time now.
Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fool’s
They were literally born yesterday.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I know my math. And you’ve got one significant figure!
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
You're the thought that counts!
In Greek Mythology, Chiron was not only half man and half horse, he was also a doctor of medicine
That made him the centaur for disease control.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
Your earrings are the mirrors that reflect the moonlight into your eyes.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
I'm glad there's freedom of religion because I worship you.
Are you fossil? Because I want to date you!
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side!
Why did the Communist wait till the last minute to cross the road?
He was Stalin.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
We're like a 4-Leaf clover. You're the C and I'm the R, and there's love in between us.
“I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.” — Joan Rivers
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
When are you due back in heaven?
A man was about to propose to his fiancé but as soon as he got down on his knees, she started laughing.
It was a fun knee moment.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".