What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
All clover the world.
Preheat the oven of love
With plenty of secrets and hugs
Mix in giggles and laughs
That make your sides split in half
Bake with the love and care
And all the things you both should share
Decorate with the frosting of trust
This is really a must
Enjoy the cake do not eat it fast
Just like your new love make it last.
(Anonymous)
Fall arrives, and all hell bakes loose.
Did I just step into an E. M. Forster novel? Because any room with you in it is A Room with a View.
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Hi, Cupid just called. He wanted me to tell you that he needs my heart back. Would you do that?
My dog is quite hip.
Except when he takes a dip.
He looks like a fool,
when he jumps in the pool,
and reminds me of a sinking ship.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”
- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
I hope my love for you is arterial because I don’t want it to be all in vein.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
Bookworms take shelfies.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
Your mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
Who had the most curious behaviour;
For while he was able,
He slept on a table.
That funny Old Man of Moldavia.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Your hand looks heavy. Here, let me hold it for you.
This match sure has me feeling Victori-ous
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
I'm no curler, but I think I could sweep you off your feet!
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.