Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.

Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.

What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.

What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!

Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!

What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.

You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove

Why do prisoners have PTSD? Cell Shock.

Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!

I’m kind of a big dill.

What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)

Your earrings are the mirrors which reflect the moonlight into your eyes.

What’s your go to order at a bar? Mine is A Big Ale

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI.

What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.

Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical

I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.

A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.

What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.

Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.

“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown

What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship

Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.

Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!

Me: Did it hurt?

Her: Did what hurt?

Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...

Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.

What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.

Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.

What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.

Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.

No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.

Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.

Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield

Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!

Is this the registration table? Because I need a number from you.

The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.

A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?

Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”

Needless to say I was in stitches.

Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.

What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!

“There are only two seasons – winter and Baseball.” – Bill Veeck

The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.

When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds

What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.

Once I did hear my brother call
The sun a giant fire ball.
How can that be?
For what I see,
Is something up high so small.

I see it at the break of dawn,
When it announces the day is on.
Its brilliant gold,
A joy to behold,
And being outside is so much fun.

John might be right, for I must say,
The sun is not so cool at midday.
Its shining light
Is just so bright,
I have to pull my eyes away.

Evening comes and it's so strange
How the sun still appears to change.
No longer small,
A bigger ball.
Its tone, now a lovely bright orange!

This curious ball hanging up high,
For me, raises many questions why.
But when it shines,
Then life is fine.
Thank God the sun is in the sky.

(By Abimbola T. Alabi)

What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!