In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Are you a corn farmer? Because I'm stalking you
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
— Unknown
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
You must be Egyptian, because I'm a enslaved by your eyes.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
I used Brylcreem this morning to slick back my hair like my father used to do. My wife asked me what I was doing.
I said, "I'm having a dad hair day."
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious.
What kind of soup can you make with cool beans?
Chilly!
The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion
An eye for an eye.
I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives.
Because he never met you.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
I just had to tell you. Your beauty made me truly appreciate being able to see.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
If there was no gravity on this planet, I would still fall for you.
Even the most powerful storms of Jupiter couldn’t keep me from you!
Would you allow me to experience what’s beyond your Event Horizon?
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!
I prefer mine poached.
I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and I thought to myself...
Wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
You’ve been working too yard.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
“I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.”
— Unknown
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Last winter was so cold, I couldn’t stop telling my wife how much I glove her.
Pretty lady, I guess wishes do come true, seeing as a boy like me met a a girl like you.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Why an astronaut can be said similar to a football player? They both strive for touchdowns!
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Hey girl, are you looking for your knight in shining armor?
Well I just happen to be wearing the full armor of God.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.